I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
