jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
