So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
