Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
