Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
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