I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
