i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
