why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You did what with his pubic hair?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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