chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
