Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
