I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
