I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
