We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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