dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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