you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Everything about him screamed your future.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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