this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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