Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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