dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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