she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
