went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
