the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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