Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
