theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
