hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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