My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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