He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
