1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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