he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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