Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
