The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
