There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
