Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
