Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Randomize
