Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
