why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
