hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
