How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
