It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
