I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
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