I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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