Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
