I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
