I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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