just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
