So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
