beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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