At least make sure they are 18
Why
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I need a beard to bite.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
