So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i wish my penis had a tongue
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
