come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
