I was born with a shot glass in my hand
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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