he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
