Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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