He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
