Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
